Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Alterity

For dVerse OpenLinkNight. Short and sweet. Share your poem, long or short, polished or still in progress.

Alterity

That vast space between

I                            
                                 you.

Under
a gibbous moon,
philosophy failed,

and there I laid you
down, I laid you down.

38 comments:

  1. MMM,mmmmm. Sweetly succinct.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Philosophy failed...but something else worked.. one outta two ain't bad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Timoteo--yes, and the one that worked is my preference anyway.

      Delete
  3. excellent short verse...nice musicality to it as well...the repetition in the end is great...the distance, nice the way you show it as well...but then again, you got what you got...smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Brian, there are ways to overcome the distances.

      Delete
  4. Short and sweet I like very much ~ I like the format of the words, and repetitive echo of the two ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Grace, the repetition just seemed right.

      Delete
  5. Sometimes SHORT works. In this case, it does.
    Sometimes the space between people just is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mary, I've been drawn to shorter pieces recently, fascinated by how little needs to be said to say what you wish.

      Delete
  6. Why does this make me think of the Waters of Babylon? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks R.--well, that's a different laying down entirely!

      Delete
  7. It may be short, but it really packs a punch (that's what I like about shorter poems).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Laurie, it's enjoyable to pare down a poem to the essentials. This actually started out a much longer piece, but I cut words out and left the space between.

      Delete
  8. Evocative, concise write...that's talent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Victoria, you know I like story-like poems, but I enjoy this as well.

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Thanks Ayala, I'm glad you liked it.

      Delete
  10. Very nice... The form really adds to the words. I love the title!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kelly Jo, I don't usually mess around with lines like this, I'm glad it worked out.

      Delete
  11. Nico, the form works well with the message and the title is superb.

    Pamela

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Pamela, I'm pleased you like it.

      Delete
  12. I know the words could conjure many a meaning, but I felt like at a funeral, or at least the vision of onem representing something else. But the feeling is strong, and point well made. No more words needed at a time like this. Excellente

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Henry--that's part of the fun, especially with short poems. Plenty of space for interpretation. I like the way you read this. The lines "Under / a gibbous moon" were originally "Yet under / a gibbous moon"--the "yet" would probably remove the ambiguity, but the more I think of it as I'm writing this comment the more I like the ambiguity. Thanks!

      Delete
  13. bridging the distance...nice set up of the scene...like a little clip and yet such deep emotions in it..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Claudia, just a little snapshot.

      Delete
  14. Replies
    1. Thanks Linda, I'm happy you liked it!

      Delete
  15. Very nice how you brought down the distance... I like it a lot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Bjorn, distances are made to be overcome.

      Delete
  16. Perfectly concise...and what a way to bridge the gap. Loved this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Rowan--philosophy is of limited value!

      Delete
  17. ..so close but yet so far... ah, the vastness is hard to define... yet silence is even more bigger here... excellent! smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  18. I do find it amazing how so much can be said, felt, and awakened in such few words. lovely. (it's been awhile since I toyed with geometric sequences and series...I can only begin to imagine what fun that homework help must have been.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks RMP--for whatever reason, I'm in a short-poem phase right now. I like it. Oh Lord, the math. No offense, but give me words any day!

      Delete
  19. This is strangely lovely...and I'm not sure why!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cress--that's pretty much the reaction I was aiming for!

      Delete